Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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