We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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