Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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