The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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