I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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