I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
