I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
