I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
