did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So squirting runs in the family.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
