My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize