i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
