I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
