my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
