I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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