don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i came on her dog
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
