Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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