After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
