Define "chronic" masturbator.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
