she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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