Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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