Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
