I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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