And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
