i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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