okay pat passed out under dana's car
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
