is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
