State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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