I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
