I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize