if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
