"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
