There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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