Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
