Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
