"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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