if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
