My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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