I only kidnapped one of them. chill
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Damn victory sex feels great
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
