his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize