32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
