I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
