his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
