I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
