A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
