if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
