can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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