1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
