Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
