just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
