We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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