Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
