Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
dude. I can hear the air.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
