just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
