i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
