i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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