just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize