TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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