I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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