Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
