I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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