we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
