Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
