hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
