Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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