I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
