Fine. I'll sleep in my office
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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