Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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