You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
