dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
