Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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